Yay me!

So, the other when I was so frustrated about exercising and all that: well I did something about it.

After I wrote my little rant, I become rather sulky. Seriously sulky. I just kept thinking "Well, I guess I'll just stay fat for the rest of my life." And on, and on. I actually was pretty fearful. I don't think I've ever felt that fearful before, at least not about my weight. I just always assumed I had plenty of time to lose weight. Now that I'm in the backend of my 20s, I'm finding myself stunned by how much of life I've missed out on. And the thought of not exercising, of giving up YET AGAIN, scared the crap out me. So, I actually said to myself, "Or, I could make a different choice."

I was still worried about being able to swim in my friend's pool and I love swimming. LOVE IT. I don't want to quit my pool workouts. I decided to look into local gyms, which I did....and chickened out. Well, chickened out and decided I couldn't afford to join. Mostly chickened out (I am not ready to bare my swimsuit-clad butt in public, especially a public consisting of toned bodies). So, I made a different choice: I decided to make my schedule match my friend's. This required me to lose a bit of sleep for some night swimming, but I think my commitment to exercise is more important that losing a bit of sleep (I know, sleep is important for weight-loss and feeling good, but, mentally and emotionally, I needed to not break the habit of working out, rather than continuing the habit of getting a full-night's sleep). We did a little night swimming, and I felt fantastic afterwards. It just relaxes me and the whole endorphins-thing is so true! Plus, I was so proud. It's what I have to do for now: I have to continue to make good choices and create good habits. So, YAY!

Grrrrr

I am so, so frustrated. I finally FINALLY found some exercise that I love to do, look forward to doing, gives me a great workout, and doesn't make me hurt; the problem is that the only access I have to a pool is through my friend. She has been working out with me and we've having such a great time. Now, she has some new jobs and we just can't make our schedules work. It is very frustrating! I feel like I'm going to be fat forever, like this was my one chance and it's slipping away from me. It seems over-dramatic, and I'm not trying to be, but I have never felt this way about exercise before. I finally had a breakthrough and was actually excited about exercising; now, it's just not working out. BLAHHH!

Back...

Really, I'm here! So, it took me a while to work up the courage to really begin to write here. Putting myself out here for others to seeis very scary. I read some really, really great blogs, and I don't think I have the talent the bloggers I admire do. However, what brought me back is my need to write about my experiences. I need a forum to express myself, and I hate writing in a diary or journal. It doesn't matter if another soul never reads what I write: I need a place. So, I'm back and I'm here to stay.

The Beginning

So, I'm finally joining the "blogosphere." I'm not really sure why. The fact that people can easily access my words, that I am making parts of myself public, scares me to death. However, I'm tired of being scared of so many things, and I need a place to express myself. I suck a journaling and all that crap; I'm hoping that, since I'm online a lot for my job, I'll be more likely to keep up here. We'll see.